<|>The Burning Soul<|>

Saturday, March 31, 2007

In the afternoon when I am in the midst of the game, two of my old buddies came and visit me. They give me a suprise visit. Lol! Its quite a pity, because I am about to leave house to Keith house. So when we leave my house I accompany them to Toa Payoh central and we went seperated ways. On our journey, we talk about some things on romance. All of them had already stead before except me. Sob!

The greatest reason why I still not in a relationship is due to my shyness I suppose. From the 1st crush till now, I never even confess in person once. Although I so call "confess" once and it was not in person. So I does not considered it to be a confess. Furthermore, she neither reject nor accept. Heard alot of stories after that. It hurts me more than the person when I make her cry. Who to believe and who not to doesn't matter anymore. Now, the question is when I am going to confess to the girl I currently like? Maybe I am terrified of rejection or maybe if I know she likes me things would be easier. I trust fate would give me this chance in times to come, if thats is our affinity.

When to eat scissors cut curry rice at Jalan Besar with Kei they all. After the famish meal, we went to bugis and do a window shopping. We got whole lots of laughter during the journey. Melvan forgot to sit down on the seat in the MRT when the train was moving from Marina to Raffles place and his seat was taken away. LOL!

Sometimes, I feel that my blog is the only friend that I can really count on for the let off of my burden. In school and anywhere else, I seem like a very cheerful and a guy with no worries but deep down, I cant lie to myself. I also need someone to release my trouble and need someone to consult for guidance when in dilemma. But at home. Zzz! I pity my godfather, I always quarrel with him and this is one way to let all that out. But I don't like to quarrel with him either, cant he just let me have my freedom? Zzzz...

There is smoke in my eyes, and that is your soul......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:52 AM

Friday, March 30, 2007

It's time for me to post again. There is so much inside me and I don't know how should I express it out? I shall try whatever I can to post.

First, I should start with oral. Miss Shamila give a conversation topic to Gladys asking her," Who is the person you admire most?" What about my most amire person? I admire my mum most. There is too much reasons in this. She teach me the way of life, she even made me improve on alot of my skill indirectly. She convert me from a guy who likes to showoff to a compose and humble guy. Although I kept singing and beatboxing, but I don't consider it as show off. It has became my habbit already and further more I never sing or beatbox using my high level technique. Still got alot of things to say in this topic but I do not wish to share.

There is this question reutering in my head. How to define a good friend? I thought I already understand, but actually I am confuse. Never mind, I will get the answer someday. The answer that I seek, never fail to find me. Once again, I will be good to all people around me. If you have any problem and you are willing to share, then you will gain my help. Within troubles, there is still something call friends. At least that is what I believe.

ROAR! My hand is hurts from break dancing. I am getting hang of quite alot of things and I am improving very fast. Within a year I believe I can considered myself as a bboy. Yes, I can do! Hence, I shall succeed.

I hope I am not accurate to know who____. This is the only time I really hope I am wrong and I hope even if it is true, don't let me find out. I will be moodless even though I wont be depress.

Beneath your soul, is there thoughts of me?

I am a untrustable kid when I was young. I tell lies and spread others secret. Until one day, I finally realised my mistake when I was in Primary 5 and I became a most sealed lip ever. Lol! The thing that motivate me is from a show......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 6:44 AM

Friday, March 23, 2007

A badminton spree happened today. 6 hours of badminton for some but for me only 3 hours. In the meanwhile of the badminton I went for bd training. Learn alot of things today! Although I get to play 3 hours but still got a match never play. Weiliang and Me(note: I purposely cap it) vs Gladys and Mei Sen. I caps the m in Me because everyone all in capital letters so I don't to be odd one out. LOL! Lame...=.= Then Mei Sen say she want to 1 on 1 with me. She comfirm wiin liao lor. If you don't believe bet $1 each and I really make it happen XD. Greedy haha!

Went home that time I went to buy my cd, everyone ps me except Keith and Eugene. Yay! I appreciate that, especially keith because he know how to recipocrate. This show I never see his character wrongly. Thanks both of you make my trip not too lonely.

When I reach home leg and arm all very tense up. Enlightenment for me, it make me realise that how slack I am in my training of weights nowadays. Someday I must recover my routine of exercise again!

Deep in my sunken hearts, all you can see......

I am a bad boy in Pri 4-6, I did gangster man. But I not one, I even more fearsome than them I should say......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 6:07 AM

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I cut my hair and now my pimples are visible, damn! I will destroy my pimple by this week. I decided to buy a Warcraft 3 battle chest as I feel insecure as now I solely depend on battle.net because my zion is down. If I kept using the cd key of other I would feel weird and tend to not concentrate well as I afraid others want to play too. So this is why I decided to buy my very 1st warcraft 3.

Today ran 8 rounds for PE, super cool. If my nafa is the same time as the time I finished the rounds I will be estactic. Wahaha! I even walk one round but my time is 10.58min. Yeah! PE is 1hr but we only get to run. SianZ!!! Not really happy after PE, I think I smells and today it happen several times to me that I see things that I shouldn't be seeing and I don't want to see. Zzzz...... I hate to see things that I hate to see, I rather I did not see it! Who would want to see them? LOL!

Ya! Maths extra lesson I finally get to outshine my talents. Finally a topic that I am good at. Wahaha!

I stop using milk bottle to drink milk only till I am Pri3

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 5:49 AM

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Alot of people asking me to join campus superstar. My answer is no!!! There is alot of factor in my answer. The First was because of O'level and another because I am confident that my level of singing is beyond that of campus superstar. Even though there is people in campus sing better than me but I perfer to be known as an adult than a child. So Project Superstar here I come. XD
Now I had no time to train my singing, but wait for me I WILL BE BACK!!! Wahahaha!!!

Have you all ever wondered why things happen? Things happen for reason that is for sure, but why different people have different happenings? Isn't it unfair? Or is it the test for different people. Everytime I met something hard I treat it as a test to fulfilled. Sometimes I passes but other time I failed to do so. Look at things in other perspective and may success be with you.

I look into your eyes in accident and this is the first time after a year I have shy away again. ARR!!! Not just me, but you too......

I do not detest my father, I despise him......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 6:32 AM

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Yesterday, went to class gathering. I thought there will be alot of people cause KY say there will be other classes people attending also. Ended up there is only 6/5 people + 2, haha! Heard that JY scared of me. LOL! So funny lar, just because I like her once doesnt mean she must afraid of me. I will not eat her up or stuff like that. Then there I saw this particular old friend and I find her resemble _____ in some ways. Didn't notice it till now, haha! When I look upon her, my hearts is with you. Thats is what I meant of so far yet so near.

Later after eating dinner at pizza hut, we went to talk and Choon join us on the way. I think people mistook us as gangster. We walk in a very huge group and we laughing at each other weak points on the way. So funny and I laugh till I never laugh before. KY is the worst of all no matter what or everywhere of him get insulted. Feel abit sorry him, but all this is only play play so I think no one will take it to heart.

When we about to go home, we talk about supernatural and stuff like that. This make alot of people don't there to walk home.LOL! What is there afraid about? When you never do anything that harm people they won't huant you. XD

Maybe when you know the reason why you love someone, you will love them even more. My first piority to love someone is to know why I love her......

I feel terrible each time I failed to help someone......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:36 AM

Friday, March 16, 2007

I had change my blogskin due to popular demands. And thanks to Keith I finally settle down my chosen blogskin. Yet, we do have a little problem here. THE POPUPS STILL HERE!!! Lol! Later going to the Primary School Gathering. I am very anxious about later now. Woot, it has been long since there is a gathering like this. XD

Now Feister had a screwed life. Haha! We gamble, we eat____, we ____ ____ and __ ____ ____. Wahahaha! It is fun though. Keith was like father forgive me for I have sin, Daren was like HOLY SHIT! Melvan cant stop laughing, HE GONNA LOSE IT! Me? No comment......LOL!

In Chinese and English, there is so much character and so much words, but I have only one favourite word. That word is hearts. Next time then I eleborate on this, cause now I lazy to think. Haha!

My secret code: TUWS

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 12:45 AM

Monday, March 12, 2007

I am not suppose to be here right now, but I wake up late for maths extra lesson. So HECK CARE liao! Wahaha!

There is this particular song I like it alot. The first time I heard it I was deeply attracted to it already. Its melody seem like peircing through my heart. The lyrics sang make those lost memories appeared again. I decided to learn that song but till now to no avail yet. I cant seem to sang that feel out. I will try slowly, cause I dont have time for singing now.

Histugya blog got this quote:" What is not yours will never be yours."

Quite true to some extent, but in my dictionary I don't have this. I beileve what is not yours can be yours. The probality is low...Yes it is. If you work hard enough you can turn a low carbon steel rod to a gold moutain. The only thing is how much you sacrifice for it? How much desire you put in it? Do other people give in more than you? That is the question to be answered by thyself.

I long for family warmth......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:31 PM

Saturday, March 10, 2007

I am feeling better today. My emmotion has calm down already. To achieve it I did something insane. As my nick was Prince of Fire, so Keith always make fun of this and say Prince on Fire. LOL! Hence, I make everyone in Fire! Wakekekeke!

The Pictures is on the post before this. It's abit lame so endure with it. LOL!

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 9:28 PM

Presenting the new century Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider Kia. Can't let in fear! Flame is my path, Fire is my destiny is the quote before he transform......

The new century Ghost Rider Kia. Has put Shuang Fei on fire, next moment they become GHOST RIDER!!! ROAR!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!

Then again, he change his friends to Ghost Rider. Muhahaha!!! FEAR US!!!

The Ghost Rider FeiSteR had went bonkers. Becareful they are coming for you bad souls......

(This is the only pic my eyes got cool fire effect.) The dooms sight......"Your blood is staint with innocent soul......"

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 9:09 PM

Dissapointment is filled in me. So many things that I can see so clearly but yet I choose to be blinded in the illusion. Maybe I am a person so easily influence. I try to be there for everyone who needed me but when in times to come I am alone when I needed help. Feel so helpless sometimes and no one came to help me. It is time for me to fight alone again! When I am drowning in a deep ocean and when none came to help, I will find the planks that would save my life. I just woken up from illusion that I chose to stay in.

I know god is giving me this test to depends on myself and not to rely on others. Please note my god is not christ. No offence, but I don't believe in a religion that it will only save its believeth or being a sinner when you never done anything wrong. I am proud to say that I am a mixture of Buddhist and a Taoist.

I will do what my mother say already. I will try not to help others, until I can help myself. For me when I failed to save a soul I will be very depress but I will overcome it. Like I will overcome those dissapointment and found a true meaning in all this.

I most of the time will leave the best for the last. But sometimes I will not when there is a sequence.

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 3:22 AM

Friday, March 09, 2007

Everyone is so high so happy, but for me I end my term 1 with a dull feeling. What is that to be joyful for me when my result is so lousy! I not a person without feeling or I not person who only know how to laugh, I will feel sad too! It is not just my result that make me so dull, but my friends result too. I care for them also, although I don't show it. When they get bad result it spoil my mood too. Especially you......

You really change alot. Even though you appear happy most of the time but I sense the stressness in your eyes. When I look into your eyes I knew straight that something is bothering you. Last time you are not like that, your result is very good. I am quite dissapointed not just with you but myself too. I noticed that your action is abit different from last time after you mixed with different company. I seriously miss the old you infinity and beyond. Never mind something will still never change even in this world is totally change, that is my ____ for you!

Today:
Have my very first breakdance session with JR and Sei Liang. Thanks you all! I will practiced very hard for you all. Lol! Since you have such faith in me that I can join competition next time. I will do the favour for you. XD

On the way to eat before the breaking session I saw Fiona and she transfer to another school! Now then I know... =.=

I have plan out what should I do in March holiday already......

I have another blog and I shall reveal the blog when the time is right. There only have one post. Is either when I don't have the crush anymore or I got rejected or when she and I are together shall I reveal it......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:33 AM

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Some parts of bit and pieces of me had return but it still not me yet. Finally my speed of walking is back at my past pace, I am a speed demon! But for some reason I feel something is still missing in me! What is it? It makes me feel very empty and an undescribable feeling. Maybe I am just worrying too much or am I just too paranoid? One thing is for sure and it is that recently I am been asking too much question even if it is a rheotical ones. I know the freaking thing and I just kept asking things like I do not know! Whats up with me???

Today moodless, still worried about what to do for my studies? How to get my Ace? Is the CA too hard or is it that I really don't have the ability to score high? I did try to try hard but I failed myself.

Accompanied Keith to find his folio and on the way buy his PS3. It did not went well as his folio could not be found and PS3 had not arrivied yet. We waited for a freaking 1+ hours and decide to leave till the next day to buy. I brought my mahjong game and won two rounds out of 4 and it is not as fun as the idols mahjong which I played in my younger days. Yup on the way we met Eunice and her boyfriend. Haha! I pronouce his name correctly! Wahaha!

The last time I drop my tears is for my father and for that I promise not to cry anymore. A true man tears is worth honouring but not those people like Ashaf(no offence). My tears worth more than theirs! I truely wonder who will be the first one to make me cry again?

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 5:41 AM

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Moments of truth, the music that I must face. The result of not studying hard and still slacking, I am screwed! I am so d*** demoralise by my total score, I had no one but myself for this cause. Forgive me people that I promised. I make another empty promises yet again. I once said that I will finish up all the homework and pass up it on time, I failed to do it too. I think that I really let down alot of people including myself.

I am losing it, I must help myself from now on. Please give me strength to move on. I felt that I am not really myself, even though people kept telling me that I am the only one they never seen a change in character even all others had change. But I can feel it that I start to lose myself, I can't just lose it! Is it due to the intense stress causing by the terrible O' level. Or is it some other things that are eating up my soul? Can't figure out this much and my d n t are lagging behind!!! What else could I do? I will use the March holiday to find back myself and find back the one burning in flames of hopes and trust. The destiny is chosen by me and not others. I must decide and work doubly hard for it.

I once said that I crush somebody for 6 years but actually it is just 3 years. I said that because 6 years sound cooler. Haha! What was I thinking?

I want you to know how I feel about you but with the help of no others...

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 4:36 AM

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Happy Belated Birthday Mum

Yesterday was my mum birthday and can considered it as not a happy one. One of the thing I am most afraid of happen to me again( NOT BECAUSE OF CREEPY CRAWLERS! ). I saw someone in need of help but I was helpless, I can't save him and I know he did no wrong. I hate being helpless to help! It break my hearts when I saw my cousin getting beaten up his father with a cane BECAUSE OF US!!! My mum even break into tears and I almost shed a tear but I am able to hold it back. It is very hard to really visualize how the atmosphere in the area but if you were me you will understand.

When my uncle was beating up my cousin I really had a strong urge to rush in to the room to stop him and to scold him. He did not even know what really happen and he start wacking. He just kept shouting why you never listen to me? WHY? Maybe my cousin got wrong but can't he use his brain to think? It is my mum birthday, even a child know how to make my mum happy but him? A WANG EN FU YI FREAK! Has he forgotten how my mother help him? How much my mother give to clear his debt? He didn't even pay back and it is a huge lum sum of money. My mother just want a HAPPY-BIRTHDAY thats all and you make her sad.

Not that I don't want to save my cousin but if I do it, he will get harsher punishment when I am gone. What in my mind at the point in the time is to ask him, what is the purpose of him beating my cousin? What is the reason for not letting my cousin celebrate my mum birthday? Is the purpose of beating because he disobey you or is it because of your damn face? Is the reason for not letting my cousin celebrate my mum birthday to anger my mum?

After saying so much I know you all want to know what really happen that day. My cousin came down to Far East Plaza alone just to say happy birthday and to celebrate my mum birthday by treating her to a meal. He is just 11 years old! He came with the guilt of disobeying his father but obey my grandmother. Whose power is greater? Of cause grandmother right? In the end my cousin treat my mum, my brother and of cause me, although later the price he gave was half as mum's friend return him half of it. Thats is the happening yesterday. Finally we went to his house and you know what happen next......

I am afraid of creepy crawlers!!! RAWR!!!ROAR!!!!!

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:35 PM

Friday, March 02, 2007

Yo! I am back for some posting again. This will be my secong post today.

As you all know we had Cross Country today. After the Cross Country when I take out my umbrella, Mei Sen suddenly start a conversation. The conversation is about we two being the weird in the Libra in horoscope. Lol!

She said that," look at Joe and us, we are like heaven and earth compare to him."( I rephrase this in my own words but meaning is the same. ) She also note that she and I is so active, but Joe is so quiet. I had think through this process of conversation on my way home from J8. Lol! Nothing to do marhx. Heh! Heh! Am I really that talkative? Is it my real true self to be monkey all the time? The answer is a big NO! I am not that active by nature, I am actually a quiet person and yup like what Mei Sen say we only are so active when we are with someone close. Example our close friends, family e.t.c....... I actually label myself as a deep in thoughts person. Which means that I always think through alot.

I don't know about Libra horoscope characteristic, but I do know about my chinese horoscope another type and it is more chim. This horoscope got alot of type, if I am not wrong is 30 in total. From my chinese birthday, I am the Xin, which also means heart. It says that I had two type or more character. A person who awaits true love and will stay loyal to the person he love( Eat Love ). The horoscope still say alot more but I lazy to post out. It is very accurate, because I once told all that to Keith and he agree with me and it. My mum and alot people too. Haha! Chinese way of finding characteristic from horoscope is much better than the English one, I suppose.Forgot to say this but Joe, Mei Sen and I have the same birthday and born in the same year. Same birthday does not imply that got same characteristic but same birthday and same year do have.

I think I will post till here.

GoodnightZ......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 6:27 AM

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Today Cross Country was a screwed up, 5/1 blockade also screwed up. Waste my prescious to try to block people and still get block somemore. =.= I was block by Wei Hao and he was block by someone else. I run till the middle park of Bishan Park and I stop running due to earlier my shoelace dropout and I must fixed it and it happen a few times, so cant continue. When I stop it is very hard for me to run back as I lost all my stamina already. Hence, I anyhow run run until my shoulder ache. Then, saw Marina, Mastura and Mei Sen, so I decided to run at the same pace with them. Haha! Cannot lose to girls...Wahaha! Last but not least being back at Bishan Park is GREAT!!!

I miss posting emmo blog but I don't think I can post something like this out now. Maybe my English become worst or else I not in that mood to post emmo blog. I try posting some next time round.

Yesterday, meet up with Choon and we have some talks and beat boxing session together. Actually we are planning to play basketball but the Community Center floor is not on condition for us to play. So sad, feel like playing bball yesterday. My Mother birthday is tommorrow and I try to find present for her with Choon yesterday, but I failed to find a good present. Zzzz......

My favourite letters in alphebet are A, K, M, N, Z ... There is a reson why I like M and N in alphetbetical order. Not the chocolate. Haha! I represent N and my mum represt M, I love my mum so much so I always put her before me. M come first before N marhx. So this reason is acceptable and good! Yeah! LOL!

I watched porn at Primary 4! But I stop watching it from the beginning of Sec 4. So please don't temp me with it already. This kind of porn websites are harming people modesty. My advice is stop surfing porn website if you haven't do it. Those movies kind of nudity is alright as they show it with their own free will and is legal. Lastly it is not hardcore and some points of veiw it is artistic......

Th3 Desir3 in my HeartZ only had enough Spac3 for You. 7:16 PM